The worldwide scam

Everyone has a top 3 list or a top 5 list or even a top 10 list of least favorite things to do. It is one of those things that you will avoid at all costs. 

Welcome to my Top 5 least favorite things to do.
1. Moving
2. Moving a friend
3. Applying for jobs
4. Ironing
5. Going to the gym

The one I would like to highlight on this fine day is going to the frigan' gym.  Now that I am breathing again here in Oz and have taken back my life I figured I should continue to focus on my work/life balance with some exercise.  I am never going to be one of those people who cuts out gross food because I love it way too much.  Eating would have to be on my top 5 favorite things to do so losing weight and being healthy through my diet is a no-go.  Plus, sydney siders are SLIM.  Aussie's here in the city are super fit.  Far more fit than NYC or LA folks so it is time for me to adapt my body to the culture. 

Duck! You almost got slapped in the face with a scam. Why? Let me tell you. I go to this gym called "Fitness First" with my mates Jemma and Simone to try to get some free passes to see if we can handle this new plan of activity.  We told them that we work at EF and they spoke to us like we were from Mars.  They asked us if we were native English speakers and where we were from.  The guy, Jeff, was Canadian so I will forgive him.  We were all standing in the lobby like goons and I finally asked him if we could start the tour of the gym.  He asked me what I wanted to see. I said, "The gym." I can be so smart sometimes but come on! He took us downstairs where everyone looked miserable. Miserable. Miserable.  The treadmill.  Everyone looks like mice on a wheel.  Running so quickly to no where.  I used to be able to run on the treadmill for hours. Well, maybe not hours but at least one hour now I run out of breath to lift my leg to get into the bath tub...depressing.  (You will be happy to know that I am still not showering regularly. :))  The guy tried to tell us that we can get a 10% discount and no sign-on fee.  I looked at a flyer and they are offering all companies a 10% discount so forget something special for EF.  Then, we asked for freebies and you would have thought that I asked for his childhood blanket.  He barely wanted to give us a free day.  We got 2 free days after he cried about it.  Simone got a call (I put down the wrong phone number) and he said that if we signed up that day he would give us 1 month free but there was a sign-on fee of $70.  Hello?! That is not one month free. That is one monthe for $70.  The gym is run by the mob.  I swear it.  I signed up for one month.  paid cash. They wanted my cc details.  I put down the wrong ones.  I only wanted one month and paid in cash.  It is ridiculous!

The gym itself was the nicest gym I have ever been too.  Large, spacious, and everyone looks like they stepped out of a fitness calendar.  I took a spin class and it was dark, with black lights, and neon pics on the walls.  My shirt was bright pink of course so I stuck out like sore thumb with the wet sweat marks highlighting every curve.  Thanks under armour.  (I love how I just blamed under armour for my lack of activity over the past 2 yrs. Go ahead, you can do the same.) Then I took a body attack class.  Basically, that is what Aussie's named aerobics.  It just sounds cooler.  My back hurt so bad the next day that I thought something was wrong with it.  I am so unfit.  Then I took a body pump class.  The guy in front of me split his pants.  The instructor called out, "Did we have a wardrobe malfunction?" No one would have known if it wasn't for her yelling in the Madonna headset about his tear in his pants.  Naturally, I was in the back row so  I switched spots with him.  Stupid move and I paid the price.  Squats, lunges, sit ups, dead lifts, whatever else they call it, I had to do it.  That poor guy.  I could hear Simone laughing in the back b/c it was so hard.  She tried to tell me that her calves were getting too big after one yoga class.  She is a size zero.  Good one Simmy G. 

I meet with the personal trainer on Thursday who I am going to explain how much I dislike the gym but have to go over it. I hope he has a degree in psychology and is patient.  God bless Simon.  What is up with me meeting people named Simone and Simon?  I know this post is ridiculous but I just had to share. 

The good news? I am getting my butt in gear.  I will not lose any weight and you will not be able to tell the difference b/c I am consuming full fat yogurt, caramel koala's, and coffee made with a cup of cream daily.  The yogurt here is incredible.  Picture cheesecake with a yogurt consistency.  To DIE for.  I eat it by the pints.  Yogurt is healthy...